Almost!

I walk.
Not stopping as life drags on
Drawing on my near infinite will
to move forward and not turn back
I sleep
My once dreams are incoherent rambles
of a splash of colors and words
drifting aimlessly.In vain, I try
to find within that which I know I lost
I run
A little raindrop trickles down
on to my numb fingers 
Kindling a long forgotten love
Memories flash by 
vibrant, albeit for an instant
I smile
Happy to relive, resurrect 
memories from foggy recesses of my mind
colors to images, words to verse 
I pause
For a split second , and the fog thickens
Clouding my memories,
muddling my thoughts yet again
Leaving me alone , incomplete , empty
I walk away
Like I always do , mechanically
Trying to comprehend the loss
of that, that was almost mine.

Lost

I am searching for
A word lost in a rambling conversation
A verse lost in random thoughts
A dream lost in troubled awakening
A hope lost in deep despondency
A smile lost in a stressed day
Self lost in a crowded world

It's Elementary!

She was a thin happy - go lucky young girl and she loved Chemistry. Chemical elements fascinated her and she she spent hours poring over the periodic table. When it was time to create her first email , she  did not have to think .True to her personality , she chose it to have the domain @cheerful.com and the password? Something that started with the same letter as her name and had its atomic mass , the same as her. It was elemenetary! She thought in glee as she typed in her first ever password

*********.


P.S : I'm back to blogging after a very very long break..

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.

Figments of a distant past...Or a really beautiful dream

Some random beautiful memories from my childhood which are so vague that I cannot put a time or place on it , but so clear that I can feel and smell the memory . May be a dream or a deja vu or a   figment of distant past.

1)Walking over crackling dry leaves into a cluster of trees to look for the mate of a  yellow bird( called by folk lore as Shiva –Parvathi bird.) because if I spot a pair,I can make a wish..

2)Placing my feet in the cold green water and watching the tiny  fishes swim by. Getting in to the pond one step at a time, taking care not to slip.

3) The combination of  exhilaration and fear  when the swing reaches the leaves of the jack fruit tree and the smell of  leaves and fruits.

4)Watching the clouds lying down on the slanting parapet of my house and  contemplating what shape they are..making castles in the air.

5)A small brown myna flying away after pecking at and eating a roasted groundnut from  my palms.

6)Running to the temple with a 25p or a 50 p coin to after the balloon seller to buy an apple balloon.

7)Walking on a compound wall precariously to pluck jambakkas from a tree and then looking for some else below to catch those  before I can get down.

 8)That weird feeling of feet not touching the ground when the giant wheel at the pooram exhibition gains speed.

 9)Walking among the bushes to collect mehndi leaves and the smell of fresh green mailanji on the hands.

10)The sound of an old voice telling the story of Devi mahatmyam where brahma, Vishnu and Shiva see the whole universe in Devi's toe nail.

11)The feeling of being one with nature after being completely drenched from the dancing in the rain in the safety of a naalukettu or courtyard inside the house.

Ten Facts about Minneapolis Metro Transit

Being without a drivers license in a foreign country , I am forced to use the public transport system to commute to work. After reading this blog about the public transport in India , felt like writing one about my experiences with the metro transit.

Metro Transit Facts :

#1 You will never be without a seat on a bus.

Till this date , I have never ever been without a seat in any of the metro transit buses. The trains may be ,  but the buses always have plenty of seats. In fact I have even had the whole bus to myself once or twice.

#2 Always have exact money to pay.You cannot buy a ticket unless you have exact change, but most drivers will let you have the benefit of the doubt and give you the ticket , once or twice  even if you don't have it. But it does get you a lot of stares from around the bus  (This applies only if there are people in the bus).

#3 If some one asks about your job , avoid the usual techno jargon like programmer , software  etc , Better still avoid the word software altogether and say that you work for

 so and so employer. With huge recession fears looming, you don't want people staring at you like you stole their job from them.

#4 There are weirdo vaynokkis in every land. I even had to endure a guy try to talk to me about cricket (duh!)  and he was not an Indian or Pakistani.

#5 The other women you see on the bus are either dressed like sluts or women in their fifties talking about their grand children.Exceptions are few and far between mostly being Asian women with multiple children or Indian software engineers who sleep till their destination is reached. Men who are not in their fifties or sixties are usually dressed in jeans that look like they are held up only by virtue of static electricity and over sized t shirts.

#6 If you want to make polite conversation with fellow passengers , stick to safe topics like weather (What crappy weather today) or angst at approaching winter . Family questions are a strict no.

#7. Sometimes , your bus might stop for a disabled person and if it does , be assured that your connection bus will be gone , for in this country disabled people on wheel chair get royal treatment. (Made me feel sorry for the same category in India where they are just bound to be pushed off by the huge rush of people in the bus stop.

#8 If  you see some one who is carrying many leaflets , act fast asleep , for the person is most probably  a zealous follower of some church who will talk to you for hours about joining them which will make you fall asleep anyway.

#9 Expect public displays of affection. If you are embarrassed by it , feigning sleep is the best option , but believe it or not , I have seen worse in Indian trains.

#10 Know exactly where to get down. Do not expect the driver or the fellow passengers to be able to help you because , 9 out of 10 times they won't know and even in the odd chance that they do know, they might misunderstand your accent and misdirect you.

Space , Time and Woman?

I know space. It is that vast empty space that surrounds the earth and other planets. I have a fair idea of time too. Considering how I'm juggling it between the multiple priorities of my life.I think I know space -time as how time relates to space.(You know, I did read or try to read Stephen Hawking's a brief history of Time and about that feline of Schrodinger who dies and does not die at the same time in that black horrible box she was put into.) Feeling pretty pleased with myself now that I still remember all this.But space, time and woman? Woman(!) how is Woman in this picture at all? How is she related to space-time? And then I realized I was thinking about the wrong Space -Time.

Well, space and time are the two primary things that woman needs and most often complains about. I need more space. I  just don't have enough time are the most common refrains in the air.Google told me that somebody called Dorothy Moss has done an extensive study of how space and time affect the life of women in different spheres of their life. Wow. looks like somebody has had a lot of thought about this one.

Every being wants its own share of solitude to think and to be with oneself. (No,. the 7 hours of tired sleep that we get doesn't fall in that category). Most women either ignore or choose to ignore this particular need because of the second part of the equation. -Time. To get that much coveted personal space , one needs to make time. Adjust priorities , household, job or other to have a small niche for self. It is one of the first ingredients to a recipe for happiness. Introspection helps you to develop yourself and improve as a being and fulfil the destiny that was meant for you.

So quit that life of the Schrodinger's cat which is dead and alive at the same time, and serving no purpose whatsoever.Get a little space-time for yourself. Be at peace with yourself and balance the rest of your space-time with renewed vigour.

Demystifying the Malayalam Months

Yesterday on my way back home from work, I was stuck with a strange thought process. About months in malayalam calendar and how they were matching to the english zodiac signs.
Kanni was obviusly virgo , the virgin -the meaning was so obvious. Tulam was libra -the thulas or balance  which was the sign for libra.Meenam was of course pisces. It was a bit more difficult to match up others but here they are

Chingam-simham-Leo

Kanni-Kanyaka-virgin-Virgo
Thulam-Thulas-Balance-Libra
Vrishchikam-(Googling got me that it means scorpion in Sanskrit)-Scorpio
Dhanu-Bow-Bow&Arrow-Archer-Sagitarius
Makaram-(this was a difficult one)-(Sanskrit meaning-Sea monster)-(Creature with Goat head and fish body)-Capricorn
Kumbham-Pot-Vessel-Water Carrier-Aquarius
Meenam-Meen-Fish-Pisces
Medam-Mesha-Ram-Aries
Idavam -Just coudn't get this one, the sanskrit one Vrishabham of course coincides with taurus. But Idavam and vrishabam? coun't make any connection.
Midhunam-Couple- Gemini-Twins -May be the constellation was interpreted differently.
Karakatakam-KarKat-sanscrit for crab-Cancer

Then I realised yet another thing. these months were exatcly one month off from the English Sun signs

A different Anniversary

I am almost back to my normal bubbly self after a hugely stressful week . My husband and I have been going through a gruelling work schedule leaving us even no time to really celebrate our sixth anniversary even.And there was this event that happened this week that I feel I need to write about.


It happened on Sunday 30th Jan . It was our sixth anniversary and I had just woken up and was making tea ,resolving to cook something much better than what I'd been doing the past week for breakfast and lunch , when hubby got a phone call from one of his team members. It wasn't unusual, since the whole team had been working day in and day out , and I had helped my husband and him for debugging a java requirement the previous night. Today how ever , he sounded really agitated and on the verge of a breakdown. I heard my husband asking him to come over to our place. I cursed inwardly. Why did this guy have to come over and work at our house on a Sunday morning , that too on our anniversary? But then , when I actually saw what a nervous wreck the guy looked like, my stance softened. I served coffee and also offered my suggestions to their web development problems.


As time dragged on ,and it was apparent that the problem was more psychological than technical. He pointedly refused to have any food and insisted that he was alright , when he looked as far from it as could be. We began to get worried and my husband suggested that they go out and buy lunch. After they bought lunch, I persuaded both of them to come and eat, and then as he tried to get up, fell flat down the carpeted floor unconscious. My husband revived him with water whilst I got our friends to come and help, and made him have food But the guy was a nervous wreck. He kept apologizing for causing us trouble and was on the verge of tears. My husband then took him home to his friend's place and left him there to take rest.


Nevertheless,the incident left many disturbing thoughts in my mind. Was IT causing so much pressure that it was causing nervous breakdowns in employees? Where the companies in their greed to meet unreasonable deadlines , making the employees (their golden egg laying geese) to work just too hard?My husband and others in his team had been working into the wee hours of the night to meet their expected goals.


I looked at my husband. He looked as disturbed as I did , and I knew it was more than meeting the project deadline that was causing it. I then decided that I wasn't going to give him any more pressure than he was already having, for not spending time with me. It was an anniversary sans celebrations , but it was not going to be one without love and understanding.

Wonders of Social Networking

Well, one of the wonders of social networking as we know it or can I just say Facebook is that gives intelligent suggestions as to who your friends might be ,and today , I found that a class mate from school (4th standard) had invited me on facebook.It was amazing to think that I was adding somebody that I had never seen , may be never even thought of after my primary school.But it brought back memories . I remembered our class being in the auditorium split up with separators. New classrooms were just being built, and the teachers had decided to place one girl between 2 boys on every bench. I was placed between , this guy say N and another guy who used to crack absolutely horrible jokes and N never used to open his mouth. What a pathetic place to be. But ultimately , N and I did become good friends, mostly because we couldn't stand the other guy and also because just before exams , he would come to my home with his mom and get my notes to get his notes corrected. Now I see his FB page and looks like he has become a hotshot mobile platform developer or something. My,how time does fly...I wonder if he remembers any of this himself, or  just add ed me seeing an intelligent suggesion from FB showing "You have many common friends , you come from same school, common sense says you might have come across each other somewhere" . Probably the latter . I would have done the same myself.

2010- A recap

2010 was arguably one of the most fun years of my life. It was only the second in 5 years of married life that we spent in the same place.-Us being the migratory birds that we are.Minneapolis and 2010 gave us the peace,fun and friends that had been missing in our life for some time now.


January: 2010 started with a bang with us (ettan, me , amma and manu) leaving for grand marias to join our friends there. It was a very enjoyable 2 days of excitement and fun.After a lot of tension over a delayed EAD card and 2 job offers,January ended with us completing 5 years of married life.

February:My EAD card finally arrived and my dream of working in US was finally realized. The temperatures were absymally low ,but that did little to dampen my spirits as I started travelling by bus all by myself to and from my new job. Manu on the otherhand started his daycare and was not enjoying it one tiny bit.

March:March was a month of get togethers and brthdays.Our gang was now huge and each weekend was looked forward to eagery for the food and fun and frolic that it brought.


April:April came with vishu.We placed a vishukkani at home and manu got his first vishu kaineetam from his acha.The vishu potluck in traditional kerala style attire brought back memories of a distant homeland.


May:May was the month I had been looking forward to as my parents came to visit us.as we hadn't done much site seeing in minneapolis ourselves, we discovered minneapolis together visiting the cherry and spoon, mall of america and minnehaha falls.

June:June was a truly relaxing month with my parents .Ettan enjoyed excellent food cooked by my mom and manu had a great time playing with his grnd parents.Cricket season started for ettan and he was playing cricket on weekends.

July:July witnessed another great trip-this time to Las Vegas and Grand Canyon, Us , some of our friends and my parents.It was an amazing trip.July also brought me one of the best birthdays I had in a loong time.the traditional cake smashing and food and having soo many friends made my birthday memorable not for the number of candles I would have blown , but the number of people who were there with me when I did that.

August:August was a busy month , with thiruvathira practice , skit practice and lots and lots of cricket.all the practice paid off and it was a grand show at KCF onam celebrations at the end of the month.Altogether ,tt was an exhausting , but satisfying month.

September:A trip to LA marked the start of september and though it was only us , we had a relaxed and peaceful trip.We enjoyed seeing the whales at san diego and the amazing sights at universal.Back at MN , we were dissapointed that our trip to kerala got cancelled , but cricket and potluck were daily activities.

October:We celebrated manu's birthday twice, once with just the three of us at lake itasca and the second-a party with around a 100 people.Without the help of friends, such a huge party could never be realised.Halloween came and went , but as manurefused to wear his costume for even long enough to click a photo,it wasn't much fun.

Novemeber:Novemeber was a month of birthdays, every weekend having one or more birthday parties. It was also the month of birth of Devesh one of the most eagerly awaited babies in the gang.Thanksgiving saw us become proud owners a TV and a laptop.It was a real experience to see people queeing up in front of shops and putting up tents for me , where as for ettan it was first hand experience to stand in the cold negative temperatures to get the TV that he wanted.


December :December started with ettan getting the surpise of his life as we arranged a surprise party for his birtdhay.It also saw one of the most relaxed holidays that ettan and I had in a long time. We both had around 10 days of vactaion. We sent Manu to daycare and had the whole day for ourselves.For the first time in years, we sat down to enjoy good books,movies and even made a snow man.We also had 2 christmas parties with friends and went bowling.The year ended on a euphoric note with our trip to brinerd and a day of snow mobiling fun.

Snowy Dreams..

When I was a child, I had  always wanted to see snow. It was an elusive dream for me.White snow covered himalayan valleys and swiss alps were scenic views seen only in the hindi movie songs.When my cousins had gone to Shimla or darjeeling and recounted having taken snow in their hands, I could only look on with pure green envy. Once , my parents had planned a Shimla trip too in a december, but for some reason , it never materiaized and we went to calcutta instead, and that year, due to some climatic variations , we could not travel to darjeeling. Thus my snow hopes were dashed yet again.

Later , when I got married , my husband was working in Albany ,NY and I visited the place in october.This time , I was sure that I could experience 2 seasons that I had hitherto never seen in the tropical cities of kerala-Fall and Winter-colors and snow..The fall colors were superb that year , but alas , my husband's company snowstormed my snow dreams as they sent us back to bangalore 1 week before the first snow of the season.

Several different stints of onsite and offshore later , now, I find myself staring with utter displeasure out of an office in minneapolis into the snow covered pavements. I have to walk to the bus station in that snow(!!) and wait for my husband at a snow covered bus stop(!!). I would probably have jumped with joy at the prospect of going out last winter when I saw snow for the first time. But as they say , familiarity breeds contempt and not a  day now passes when we don't complain , how difficult it is to go out in the snow and how we wish we could have the tropical warmth of kerala for a day...

A free monday afternoon

After hours of fruitless searching for good deals on laptops and multitudes of attempts at writing prose blogs on a lazy november afternoon, I finally came to the conclusion that I am no good at writing the mundane daily details into blogs that some people so effortlessly seem to do.. and that too on a daily basis. Finally did what I like best , read a book. (Prisoner of birth by Jeffrey Archer). It was his usual hallmark style with twists and turns and if you have read more than  3 or 4 books of his, alas, very much predictable. But it is an enjoyable book nevertheless and the premise is interesting unlike Sons of Fortune which was akin to reading a bolly wood movie story of twins separated at birth.

A new Beginning for old Tales...:)

I have long ago given up any hope that my poetry writing spree of 2007 would come back again any time soon. So after a lot of thought , this is my new blog mantra. I will try to dish out anecdotes from my boring life that happened in the same week in the past. Not a very unique idea.. but hopefully this may bring up some interesting stories from the back of my memories..

Back to Blogging

After a looong sabbatical, I'm back at my journal. I was so busy turning the pages of my life to add pages to my online journal. Now hopefully I can do both or atleast fill in some anecdotes from time to time... :)