In the Path of Thorns (Posted in Darlings of Venus)

When this month's discussion topic was announced  and Maithili implored all of us to come out with our experience,I was sure that there would not be many entries.But was shocked beyond belief to read the revelations from my friends at DOV and after reading what each of them shared , my respect for these amazing ladies have increased a hundred fold.

An age old saying in my language goes like this "immaterial of whether a leaf falls on a thorn or the thorn falls on a leaf,the leaf gets damaged ". And from the moment a girl child is born ,these cliched lines are oft repeated to the parents and the girl alike.That being said,every girl at some point gets her share of prickly sex repressed male thorns.

Being in a close knit family with grand parents,uncles , aunts and cousins living almost on the same compound to look after me and by God's grace, I haven't had to encounter such bastards in my life.But just as a leaf on a rose bush cannot escape grazing through the thorns to fly in the wind, I too have fleeting memories of nameless and faceless parasites that refuse to go away that must be the part of memories of even the most ordinary Indian girl.

1)The hairy hand that made into my purple frock when I was standing in queue for darshan at one of the most famous temples in Kerala and how I with all my might pushed it back and somehow exchanged position with a fat old lady in front of me.

2)The pointed fingers that kept poking me through the gap between the seat and the back rest in the TNSRTC bus while the teacher was taking me and a friend for a science camp in Tamil Nadu. the frustration when the teacher asked us to ignore the constant pokes and the my friend's fiery outburst at the guy which finally resulted in him moving to a different seat.

3)The numerous times I have had to ask my friends (guys) or cousins to exchange seats with me at a movie theater because some dark hands were trying to grope me in the safe darkness of the movie hall.

4)The lecherous eyes of the random guy who stopped me mid road to ask if I wear clothes when I take bath (!!!!).

5)Those decently dressed men in the heavily crowded trains and buses , whose only aim in life is to bump on to you with each movement the vehicle makes and then look back with a false smile as if it was an accident.

6)The showmen who post themselves at strategic locations near girls hostels and embarrass the girls by showing off their strategic body areas.

7)The hands that always try to find their way towards a girl when you are sleeping in a second class sleeper compartment and how you always remembered to sleep with your feet in the direction of the corridor and keep them covered under a blanket.

8)The fake sleeping guy who tries to fall asleep on your shoulders as if by some horrible quirk of  fate you did not get a lady's seat in one of those overpriced overnight Volvo buses.

With time and experience , I learned that this was the way of life and there was nothing much a woman could do to avoid such people completely (unless of course I wanted to shut myself off in a nunnery, which after some second thoughts involving Sister Abhaya might not be that safe either )

But some of my favorite weapons that helped me are an umbrella and a safety pin. Of course having a fierce look helps and some martial arts would be amazing.

Here are a few small tips to stay safe in daily life , which I used to follow

1)The open umbrella is a savior while walking through crowded foot paths , in that it gives you a  little space and a much needed weapon from guys whose only intent is to bump you and touch your breast.

2) A closed umbrella is a good weapon to use against auto  or taxi drivers if you feel they are planning something for you. (Have always been told this , but haven't had to use it personally).

3)Safety pin is a good weapon to be used when the perpetrator is hiding in a crowded or dark place, like a bus or movie theater.I have successfully used it on the guy who tried to poke me in
the movie theater .(3 pricks and 20 min later that guy left the theater). Compass or other sharp instruments can be used too but for the difficulty of carrying it around.

4)Having one or more trusted people of the stronger sex , unfortunately is one of the most fool proof ways to keep yourself safe.

Some things are to Live for.

I  will do anything to see you smile. One kiss from you is enough to make me feel that life is worthwhile after a long hard days work.  I love your playful eyes , the way they mischievously ask me for a million things and how they get their way each time. I will make your favorite food anytime of the day just to see that contented smile on your face. I love the way you ask for  me when we are back home .I love the way you rush into my arms every evening when I come to pick you up. I love the way you tell me all your news and the way you sing to me. I feel so happy to eat each tiny morsel of food that you so lovingly put into my mouth.  I love the way you show your excitement when you see me alight from my bus. I love the way you put your hands around me when you go off to sleep. I love the way you hug me and go to sleep lying down on my chest. And the way you ask "Are you alright?". And the way you watch  me smile at you  and say "Mamma is happy".

My dearest baby, I couldn't live with out your for a single day. Not from the day you were born .Not now, Not till the day I die. I might get used to you not being there with me all the time. I will learn in time to let my little bird fly away so that he can see the world  and fulfill his destiny. But that wouldn't make you any less mine. You will always be my baby -My Love.

Tell Tale Eyes

Seeing those beautiful eyes in Peeve's blog here , I couldn't resist posting this poem about eyes.

Tell Tale Eyes

Trying to look interested

I smile my best smile

My wandering eyes say I'm bored,

My eyes just won't lie.

Trying to show I'm awake

At the lecturer I smile

My drooping eyes say I'm asleep,

My eyes just won't lie.

Trying to control laughter

I hide it behind my smile

My twinkling eyes show all the mirth,

My eyes just won't lie.

Trying to cover my worry

Nervously I smile

My fretful eyes divulge the fear,

My eyes just won't lie.

Trying to mask my sadness

I try my best to smile

My blinking eyes let slip a tear,

My eyes just won't lie.

Trying to fool those around

I smile and I smile

Oblivious to the fact that,

My eyes just won't lie.

Figments of a distant past...Or a really beautiful dream

Some random beautiful memories from my childhood which are so vague that I cannot put a time or place on it , but so clear that I can feel and smell the memory . May be a dream or a deja vu or a   figment of distant past.

1)Walking over crackling dry leaves into a cluster of trees to look for the mate of a  yellow bird( called by folk lore as Shiva –Parvathi bird.) because if I spot a pair,I can make a wish..

2)Placing my feet in the cold green water and watching the tiny  fishes swim by. Getting in to the pond one step at a time, taking care not to slip.

3) The combination of  exhilaration and fear  when the swing reaches the leaves of the jack fruit tree and the smell of  leaves and fruits.

4)Watching the clouds lying down on the slanting parapet of my house and  contemplating what shape they are..making castles in the air.

5)A small brown myna flying away after pecking at and eating a roasted groundnut from  my palms.

6)Running to the temple with a 25p or a 50 p coin to after the balloon seller to buy an apple balloon.

7)Walking on a compound wall precariously to pluck jambakkas from a tree and then looking for some else below to catch those  before I can get down.

 8)That weird feeling of feet not touching the ground when the giant wheel at the pooram exhibition gains speed.

 9)Walking among the bushes to collect mehndi leaves and the smell of fresh green mailanji on the hands.

10)The sound of an old voice telling the story of Devi mahatmyam where brahma, Vishnu and Shiva see the whole universe in Devi's toe nail.

11)The feeling of being one with nature after being completely drenched from the dancing in the rain in the safety of a naalukettu or courtyard inside the house.

Ten Facts about Minneapolis Metro Transit

Being without a drivers license in a foreign country , I am forced to use the public transport system to commute to work. After reading this blog about the public transport in India , felt like writing one about my experiences with the metro transit.

Metro Transit Facts :

#1 You will never be without a seat on a bus.

Till this date , I have never ever been without a seat in any of the metro transit buses. The trains may be ,  but the buses always have plenty of seats. In fact I have even had the whole bus to myself once or twice.

#2 Always have exact money to pay.You cannot buy a ticket unless you have exact change, but most drivers will let you have the benefit of the doubt and give you the ticket , once or twice  even if you don't have it. But it does get you a lot of stares from around the bus  (This applies only if there are people in the bus).

#3 If some one asks about your job , avoid the usual techno jargon like programmer , software  etc , Better still avoid the word software altogether and say that you work for

 so and so employer. With huge recession fears looming, you don't want people staring at you like you stole their job from them.

#4 There are weirdo vaynokkis in every land. I even had to endure a guy try to talk to me about cricket (duh!)  and he was not an Indian or Pakistani.

#5 The other women you see on the bus are either dressed like sluts or women in their fifties talking about their grand children.Exceptions are few and far between mostly being Asian women with multiple children or Indian software engineers who sleep till their destination is reached. Men who are not in their fifties or sixties are usually dressed in jeans that look like they are held up only by virtue of static electricity and over sized t shirts.

#6 If you want to make polite conversation with fellow passengers , stick to safe topics like weather (What crappy weather today) or angst at approaching winter . Family questions are a strict no.

#7. Sometimes , your bus might stop for a disabled person and if it does , be assured that your connection bus will be gone , for in this country disabled people on wheel chair get royal treatment. (Made me feel sorry for the same category in India where they are just bound to be pushed off by the huge rush of people in the bus stop.

#8 If  you see some one who is carrying many leaflets , act fast asleep , for the person is most probably  a zealous follower of some church who will talk to you for hours about joining them which will make you fall asleep anyway.

#9 Expect public displays of affection. If you are embarrassed by it , feigning sleep is the best option , but believe it or not , I have seen worse in Indian trains.

#10 Know exactly where to get down. Do not expect the driver or the fellow passengers to be able to help you because , 9 out of 10 times they won't know and even in the odd chance that they do know, they might misunderstand your accent and misdirect you.

Dance Dance Dance........

This was a post I have been wanting to write for the past 2 weeks , but have been postponing it for a while because of household hurries and worklife worries..So here goes..

Flash Back :
1988:(or may be 1989) I'm not really sure. I was 6 year old girl-just like all the other girls of her age.
I spent my time outside playing with friends, going for a ride on my new BSA Champ and watching the only cartoon shows that came on doordarshan.Mom had always wanted her daughter to dance and soon there was a dance teacher knocking the door every saturday and sunday morning.It was soon clear that I did not have any aptitude for dance and the frustration of teacher and student were evident. Soon I started waking up every sunday dreading my dance lesson and crying because I could not watch the mickey mouse
cartoon on doordarshan. Finally my dad who is as interested in the fine arts as an average mallu is in veg food, decided that spending 150 rupees a month on something that made his daughter cry every day was not worth it.Thus ended my brief stint with dance.

Back to Present:

Later in life, I avoided any kind of dance including the mandatory to learn Thiruvathira knowing which is a
necessity in my community unless you want to look like a stupid in your own wedding video(Yep, it is a part of the welcoming ceremony to the groom's home or kudiveppu). I had been content (with a wee bit of envy I must admit) watching my friends perform amazing dances and win prizes in school and college, with my part limited to dressing them up and giving pep talk before the program. With great difficulty and ample help from my grandmother and aunts, I mastered one step of thiruvathira which helped me avoid looking like
a complete fool in the welcome thiruvathira at my husband's place.

Watching the ease with which my hubby's cousins danced , for the first time , I had a burning desire to be like them. To learn the dance. So when I got a chance to take part in an Onam program in Columbus, OH , I jumped on to it and found to my chagrin that to wish to learn is one thing , but having 2 left feet is quite another. Heart aches and body aches and 2 months later , I performed my first ever dance on stage. I wasn't quite so graceful, but it worked out. I could do the right steps.

This made me more ambitious, I wanted to try doing some other types of dance.But I didn't have the confidence to ask anybodyfor a chance as I was quite sure that nobody would have that much patience.
But this year, I gathered up courage and joined my friends for a cinematic dance. It was way difficult at first,
But good friends and a great teacher (who is a good friend too) and a supporting hubby can do wonders I was able to learn it , bit by bit , step by step.

And we put up an amazing show. It felt so happy to be part of such a winning combination that I felt this was the right thing to blog about to co-memorate the other achievement that I'm proud of- that of completing 50 blog posts.

Space , Time and Woman?

I know space. It is that vast empty space that surrounds the earth and other planets. I have a fair idea of time too. Considering how I'm juggling it between the multiple priorities of my life.I think I know space -time as how time relates to space.(You know, I did read or try to read Stephen Hawking's a brief history of Time and about that feline of Schrodinger who dies and does not die at the same time in that black horrible box she was put into.) Feeling pretty pleased with myself now that I still remember all this.But space, time and woman? Woman(!) how is Woman in this picture at all? How is she related to space-time? And then I realized I was thinking about the wrong Space -Time.

Well, space and time are the two primary things that woman needs and most often complains about. I need more space. I  just don't have enough time are the most common refrains in the air.Google told me that somebody called Dorothy Moss has done an extensive study of how space and time affect the life of women in different spheres of their life. Wow. looks like somebody has had a lot of thought about this one.

Every being wants its own share of solitude to think and to be with oneself. (No,. the 7 hours of tired sleep that we get doesn't fall in that category). Most women either ignore or choose to ignore this particular need because of the second part of the equation. -Time. To get that much coveted personal space , one needs to make time. Adjust priorities , household, job or other to have a small niche for self. It is one of the first ingredients to a recipe for happiness. Introspection helps you to develop yourself and improve as a being and fulfil the destiny that was meant for you.

So quit that life of the Schrodinger's cat which is dead and alive at the same time, and serving no purpose whatsoever.Get a little space-time for yourself. Be at peace with yourself and balance the rest of your space-time with renewed vigour.